Super: Tales of the Titans
by ocdsugar
Summary: Who are these fine young examples of children, these brave youths about to take on the world, these model adolescents not far from reaching their ultimate goal, searching for their destiny? These are their stories.
1. Dare to Be Stupid

OK, guys, I know I haven't been around for awhile (sorry, Metallikid) and I know you all miss my insulting uppity ways, so here I am. I'm coming with a new fic in a couple of weeks and here is a...drumroll, pu-lease...PREVIEW! Yes, lucky you! A never before read sneak peek of the upcoming Ocdsugar original fan fiction: :

(Title withdrawn)

Disclaimer: I don't own AOL or any of the Teen Titans, though it is my fondest wish to own the Batmobile.

Special Preview, Tale 0: Dare to Be Stupid

"Robin!?"

Robin was sitting in the gym, trying to figure out if he was too weak to bench press 3 times his own weight. Starfire had just flown in. "Star, is everything okay?"

"No, Robin, NOTHING is 'okay'." She cried. "Cyborg and Beast Boy are fighting over a box that came in the mail because of an effervescent binding of some sort and what is inside this box, and Raven is yelling that you can 'choke' on this effervescent binding and that the box is merely a 'corporation's' way of getting you to become 'materialistic' and purchase their products."

Not only did Robin not get a word of what she was saying, he guessed that she didn't know half the words she was telling him herself.

"Star, slow down. Take a deep breath-"

"How can one hold his or her breath at a time like this?"

"Remember how we talked about expressions and literal translation?"

"Yes, but, Robin, this is a dire situation that needs handling right away!"

"How can it be any different from any other fight they have?"

"Because I am afraid Raven was correct in guessing Beast Boy would 'choke' on the effervescent binding."

"Oh, Jesus..." Seeing his dismayed face, she grabbed his hand and flew out of the room, dragging the Boy Wonder behind her. When they got to the mail room of the tower, his expression became even more dismayed. "Oh, _**Jesus**_...what the hell happened?!"

Beast Boy was on the ground, choking, but trying to hold on to the carton he and Cyborg were fighting over...at the same time. He was trying to grab at the package with one hand while giving himself the Heimlich maneuver with the other. Meanwhile, Raven was standing above them, watching with obvious interest, and trying with all her might not to say 'I told you so'.

Robin took charge immediately. "Raven, go sit down, Cyborg, stop bopping Beast on the head and help him up, no, give ME the box!" He put the box on a side table nearby. "What is BB choking on?"

"The effervescent binding." Starfire answered automatically.

"Star, I don't want to be mean, especially to you, but what the hell is 'effervescent binding'?"

"This." She held up a large sheet of something.

"It's BUBBLE WRAP." He took it from her. "THIS is what you were fighting over?"

"Yep." Cyborg said, embarrassed.

"And this..." He grabbed the package and ripped it open. "AOL 1045 hours free CDs ... is the big deal? Do you know how many of these freakin' things we get everyday? 27 of them fell out of our newspaper this morning!"

The group was silent. Robin went on. "And HOW could Beast Boy start choking on BUBBLE WRAP?"

"He started popping them with one of his fangs."

"I'm amazed that you could be so...so..."

"Stupid?" Raven suggested. "Irresponsible?"

"Yes, thank you, Raven-"

"Your welcome."

"-But I want to know why you didn't bother to break them up."

"I hoped they would finally knock each other unconscious."

Beast Boy, still rolling around on the floor, tugged on Robin's cape. "Still, ack, choke-ack..."

"Oh, sorry..." But no one moved. "Why isn't anyone helping him?"

They all shrugged.


	2. TV

For my reviewers:

I'm glad SOME of you got it. For those who didn't, no one was helping BB because he is annoying, ex. Forces of Nature, Every Dog Has His Day, Deep Six, Nevermore, Fear Itself etc (I could go and name every episode but that is just so tiring). He also happens to be the least interesting character on the team, like the Flash on Justice League. He just happens to be a good foil for the rest of the characters to play off of. Some one said it had no plot. That is correct, sir! As said before, it is a collection of short stories. Each 'episode' really has nothing to do with the one before it.

I would like to say hello to MAIDEN OF TIME AND SPACE. See you in school.

Also partially dedicated to softballtitan009 and animeboy45. Here's a little tip: I enjoy flames. It's criticism! I can work on it! Animeboy45, quick Q & A, if you're a guy, why would you say something as faggy as this?:

"**OMG! Wat a stupid story! Its so dumb! Youre da worst writer in history u bitchy homo! And by da way, da story u reviewed my love for him, they wer 27 years old u stupid mother fucker..."**

Look, man, I appreciate the fact you're defending your story but, man, whatever. You're not even giving me things to improve upon. You're really only writing a bad review to compensate for me giving you one. Oh, by **'da'** way, you're stories, please people, go read them, are abysmal.

I AM sorry I called you a hick. You put '17' instead of '27' in your story. So I really should change the insult from 'I guess you support teen pregnancy, you hick' to 'I guess you support out of marriage conception, you degenerate', if you know what a degenerate is. Softballtitan009, I have never ever read any of your stories...I don't think...

Note that each chapter will be named after a song. Anyone that can tell me who performed the songs gets a gazillion bonus reviewer points. Example: Dare to be Stupid was performed by 'Weird Al' Yankovic.

Today: We will see a regular TV viewing night for the Titans. Not original, but it's all good.

Extras for this chapter: "- what the Television is saying.

Proviso(s): I don't own Teen Titans, the shows and movies featured here, nor do I own their themes or songs.

Tale 01: TV

"...I never dreamed that I'd spend my days,

Staring at some tube emitting cathode rays

I need my TV...la la la..."

"-It will be partly cloudy in the low 80's in the tri-city area-"

"-JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! Hey, man, you just shut up! You don't know me-"

"-Karma karma karma karma karma chameleon-"

"Jeez, just pick a channel." Robin called from the couch. Beast Boy stood right in front of the TV screen, clicking away at the remote, trying to find something suitable for the Titans to watch.

"There's nothing on." His eyes were glazed over, glued to the screen. His fingers were still tick-tacking the buttons. Robin raised an eyebrow.

"C'mon, there are a lot of things on. You just passed We Are the 80's. Go back-"

"There...is...nothing...o-on..."

"Beast Boy, give me the clicker." He stood up.

"No way-wait, did you just call it a 'clicker'?"

"Yeah, so?"

"It's not a 'clicker', it's a remote."

"Whatever, just give it to me."

"No." Beast Boy kept clicking.

"Why not?"

"'Cause there is nothing o-on."

"Yes, there is-wait just a damn minute...doesn't 'Breed All About It' come on in, like, 5 minutes?"

"We-ell..." Still clicking.

Starfire looked at him from the sofa, clearly ashamed of him. "Oh, Beast Boy..."

"What? It's just a show!"

"Yeah," Robin sat back down next to Starfire, putting his arm on her shoulder, feigning sorrow. "a show we've been trying to get you to stop watching. Do you know how HARD we've been trying to break you of your habit? Starfire tried to get you hooked on another show. Cyborg even went as far as to blocking Animal Planet. Man, I think it's time for you to admit your problem."

"I don't have a stupid problem!"

"Titans, intervention!" Beast Boy finally turned away from the TV to hit Robin over the head.

"I like 'Breed All About It'!"

"We don't. Let's find something else."

"Like what?"

"I think 'Armageddon' is on FX..."

"I don't wanna watch some long disaster movie that made a mockery of Aerosmith."

"The song wasn't that bad-"

"-Says the supposed rock-lover."

Cyborg put down his copy of TV Guide. "It doesn't matter anyway, 'cause a new episode of 'American Chopper' is on."

Raven looked at him. "I am not going to watch some Neanderthal beat his ignorant sons into submission while trying create a motorcycle covered in Christmas lights."

"Raven, that holiday episode was months ago..."

"I don't care. That show is awful. How about something 'somewhat' intellectual, like 'He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not'?"

"Isn't that the French thriller movie with the nutjob broad stalking the cardiologist?"

"Yes."

"That sucked. I didn't understand a word they were saying."

"It was in French. There were subtitles."

"Hey, how am I supposed to enjoy a movie when I have to read?"

"You are such a stupid di-"

"Raven, chill, let's just watch the music station." Robin suggested. "Is that okay with everyone?"

"Fine."

"Whatever."

"Great."

"Marvelous!"

"-Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do, I wear my sunglasses at night, I wear my-"

"-And welcome to Breed All About It. Last week's breed was the boxer-"

"Beast Boy!" Robin yelled exasperated.

"What?"

"I thought we agreed to We Are the 80's!"

"But that song's annoying!"

"Hey, look, man, I'm pretty annoyed right now!"

"Fine, Robbo, then YOU pick something."

"Okay." Robin snatched the remote and pressed '40'.

"-I'm going to brief the President. What's going on here, Dan? Why didn't we have warning?-"

"No!" BB tried to take back the control but not before Cyborg picked it up.

"-You put the seat on the wrong way, you stupid mother fu-"

"-Elle a été frappée plus d'en une moto." "Et le bébé ?" "Elle l'a perdu. Je suis si désolé-"

"Raven! Damn you and your powers!" Beast managed to snatch away the remote from the robotic teen and his friend's telekinesis.

"-And the cocker spaniel is the one of the best hunting dogs-"

"Beast Boy!" Robin was, once more, yelling. "Give me the clicker!"

"Never! And stop calling it that!"

"I'll call it whatever I damn well want to."

"-American parts, Russian parts, what does it matter? All made in Taiwan!-"

"No 'Armageddon'."

"-Eat my shorts..." "What was that?" "_EAT...MY...SHORTS_.-"

"Ooh...'The Breakfast Club'!"

"Nice."

"That's good."

"This...'breakfast club'...is a cooking show?"

"Crap..."

"Aw, c'mon, Cyborg, how can you _not_ love this movie?"

"I dunno. I just do."

"-There once was a man from Venus, who had a spaceship for his, uh-hu-huh, wiener.-"

"Much better."

"I am not watching this."

"Raven, 'Beavis and Butthead' rocks."

"It's lunacy."

"Precisely."

"-Show me the money! C'mon, yell it." "Show you the money." "I can't hear you." "Show me the money!-"

"Ew...'Jerry Maguire'."

"What a pussy movie..."

"-Stop, collaborate, and listen: Ice is back with a brand new mission-"

"- They call him Flipper, Flipper, faster than lightning, noone you see, is smarter than he-"

"- It's the Muppet Show...it's time to play the music, it's time to light the lights, it's time to meet the Muppets on the Muppet Show tonight!-"

"Ooh, keep it!"

"Yes, these 'muppets' are most enjoyable!" Starfire concurred with the changeling.

"Yeah, I agree with Star."

"Of course you do, Rob." Cyborg again changed the channel.

"- Disco is from hell, okay? And not the cool part of hell with all the murderers, but the lameass part where the really bad accountants live!-"

"Stay!" Beast Boy once more voiced his approval of the TV program.

"No! I'm not watching some pot smoking teens talk about how the 70's sucked."

"But the show is somewhat amusing." The leader challenged Raven.

"Yeah. Keep it." BB began jumping up and down on the couch to annoy the empath.

"No."

"Okay, the next show we find that more than half of us like, we keep!" Robin ordered, helping Starfire pull Beast Boy off Raven.

"Then why don't we stay on this?"

"Because Raven's being a bitch about it."

"Okay, Cyborg, you jack-"

Starfire's ears were immediately covered someone's green gloved hands.

"No cursing in front of the young impressionable alien!"

"- J'ai trouvé ceci dans le courrier." " Attente, il n'est pas ce qui vous-" "Qui est-elle ? Qui est elle ? !-"

"Stop it!"

"-Roy! Roy, Roy, Roy! Roy, Roy, Rooooy! Roy's the man, goin' to wo-ork, got his tie and ambition! He knows someday he just could become...supervi-i-sor! Glen! Glen, Glen, Glen! Glen, Glen, Gleeen!-"

"I love this commercial!"

"Change!"

"-I don't wanna grow up, I'm a Toys R Us kid! They've got so many toys that'll flip your lid!-"

"-Afflack!-"

"-That's a _big_ bun." "A _very_ big bun." "A big _fluffy_ bun." "Where's the beef?!-"

"-S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y...night! S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y...night! Planter's Peanuts-"

"Jeez, what's with all the commercials?"

"To hell with you and all your friends, to hell with you and all your friends, it's on-"

"-There once was a woman from China, who stuck a popsicle up her, uh-hu-huh, p- "Okay, that's enough!-"

"Aw, dude, why'd you change?"

"Yeah, man, that song's cool..."

"I'm sorry, I just don't like the band."

"What, are you more of a rap person?"

"Oh, yes, Robin, I am the perfect stereotype of a black guy."

"Sorry, just wondering..."

"If what? If I WAS the perfect black stereotype?"

"Hey, man, don't go playing the race card."

"God, you little racist-" Cyborg dropped the remote in favor of messing up Robin's hair. Raven and Beast Boy made a lunge for it; the changeling as a squirrel, the telekinetic with her powers. All of a sudden, Robin, trying to reconstruct his spikes with _one_ hand, took possession of the channel changer with the other. Then, in a flurry of bright machinery and MORE hair damaging, Cyborg tried to take it back. Pretty soon, there was a scuffle right in the middle of the couch. Green fur, birdarangs, black energy, and punches flew back and forth.

"-Bye Bye, Beautiful...Don't bother to write...disturbed by your words and-"

"-Oh my god, it's Mister Movie Phone!-"

"-That Johnny Depp...he make-a me crrrry!-"

"-Cinnamon babka? Bow down to chocolate babka? I think not!-"

"-Defunkt the pistol that you paid for, the punk the feeling that you stayed for, in time, I want to be your best friend-"

"-So let's sink another drink, 'cause it'll give me time to thi-ink..."

"- According to Chandler, what phenomenon scares the bejesus out of him?" "Michael Flatley, Lord of the Dance!" "The Irish jig guy? "You should see him! His legs flail about as if independent from his body!-"

**"-** Every week, the TV Guide comes to Chandler and Joey's apartment. What name appears on the address label?" "Chandler gets it! It's Chandler Bing!" "No!" "I'm afraid the TV Guide comes to Chanandler Bong." "I knew that! Rachel, use you're head!" "Actually, it's **_Miss_** Chanandler Bong.-"

"-Dad, are you dealing drugs again?" "Oh...mmm...**_yes_**." "**_WHY_**?-"

"- "Amélie cherche toujours la solitude. Elle s'amuse avec des questions idiotes au sujet du monde ci-dessous, comme "combien de personnes ont un orgasme en ce moment?" "Quinze!-"

"-Hey guys take a load off, I'll take care of this asteroid. WOW! That is cool.-"

"- How's your steak Ricky?" "Good." "How's yours, Fred?" "Great. Nice and tender." "How's your celery, Lucy?" "Oh, just fine, thank you. It's cooked the way I like it, nice and tender.-"

"- Where's your costume, darling? Don't you have a costume?" "This is my costume. I'm a homicidal maniac. They look just like everyone else.-"

"- Some day, Franco, science is going to isolate the gene that makes people think barbecuing indoors is a good idea.-"

"-I want kids your age out of my house." "Hey, I'm here because you had a heart attack." "I had a heart attack because you're here.-"

"-I could stay awake just to hear you breathin'-"

"- Angelique, diable est-ce qu'est erroné avec vous?! Pourquoi ne me laisserez-vous pas seul?!-"

"-I could spend my life in this sweet surrender-"

"- Je suis si désolé. Il s'est juste produit...Je veux dire...-"

"-...is a moment I treasure. I don't wanna close my eyes-"

"- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Laissez-moi soit!-"

"- And I don't wanna miss a thing

'Cause even when I dream of you

The sweetest dream would never do

I'd still miss you, baby

And I don't wanna miss a thing

Lying close to you

Feeling your heart beating

And I'm wondering what you're dreaming

Wondering if it's me you're seeing

Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together

And I just wanna stay with you

In this moment forever, forever and ever

I don't wanna close my eyes

I don't wanna fall asleep

'Cause I'd miss you, baby

And I don't wanna miss a thing

'Cause even when I dream of you

The sweetest dream would never do

I'd still miss you, baby

And I don't wanna miss a thing

I don't wanna miss one smile

I don't wanna miss one kiss

Well, I just wanna be with you

Right here with you, just like this

I just wanna hold you close

Feel your heart so close to mine

And just stay here in this moment

For all the rest of time

Don't wanna close my eyes

Don't wanna fall asleep

'Cause I'd miss you, baby

And I don't wanna miss a thing

'Cause even when I dream of you

The sweetest dream would never do

'Cause I'd still miss you, baby

And I don't wanna miss a thing

I don't wanna close my eyes

I don't wanna fall asleep

'Cause I'd miss you, baby

And I don't wanna miss a thing

'Cause even when I dream of you

The sweetest dream would never do-"

The last of the song was interrupted as Cyborg tried one last time to seize the remote after Raven and Robin fighting with each other for so long. It flew across the couch...he groped the air for it...and it landed...

"I'd still miss you, baby

And I don't wanna miss a thing

Don't wanna close my eyes

Don't wanna fall asleep, yeah

I don't wanna miss a thing

I don't wanna miss a-"

...on Starfire's lap.

"-thaaaaaaaaaa-aaaaaaaaaaa-aaaaaaang!-"

She, who had been quiet all this time, picked it up and switched the TV off. Beast Boy howled like a wolf screeching at the moon, his hands covering his ears. "God, that last 20 minutes of 'Armageddon' and French is really too much to take."

Cyborg nodded. "I can't understand why we passed 'Rescue Me' by..."

"Wait...when?" Robin asked, rubbing his temple with frustration. "Man, I have such a headache..."

"Right before that last 'That 70's Show' line...which was the last line before the Foreign movie/Aerosmith battle..."

"Oh...I love that show!"

"Yeah. Me too."

"I love how that Denis Leary throws things when he's pissed..."

"Yeah...and the dog..."

"What dog, Beast Boy?"

"Oh, uh, he died really early in the series...but his name was Asswhole."

"That, my friends is a really cool dog name."

Starfire was thoroughly confused. "Did we just spend the last few hours in combat over a television program when we actually found one we all enjoyed but kept changing the 'channels' nonetheless?"

Robin cleared his throat, the others looking embarrassed. "Yep...that was pretty stupid..."

Starfire frowned. "Yes...that _was_...um...take no offense, Robin, but that song _was_ incredibly excruciating to the ears."

**Ah, yes...the end...**


End file.
